How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
