mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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