Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize