we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
