Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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