WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
