Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
