; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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