I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
