i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
