im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
