I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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