I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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