...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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