my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
