Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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