So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize