If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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