Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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