i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
