you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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