fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
