I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
