Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
