my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
