i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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