i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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