I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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