I'm drive I can fine osifer
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
