she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
