I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
