You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
