Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
