I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
