My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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