if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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