You made me cry and you don't even care
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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