these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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