when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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