I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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