Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
