It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
