I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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