The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
