What did we do last night that was yellow?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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