...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
