I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
