girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I need water and some morals
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
