my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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