Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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