he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
