I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
