i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
