I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
