she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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