I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize