I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
COCAINE IS GR8
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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