I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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