that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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