it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
