I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
