I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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