so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She announced her abortion via fbk
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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