Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
