your thong is hanging out like whoa
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
