update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
