Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
