Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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