Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
