SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
