just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Randomize
