I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How does one acquire holy water?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
