Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
